Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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