Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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