I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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