Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
