billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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