It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
