Can Purell be used as lube?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
