Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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