you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
