At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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