All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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