I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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