there's paper in my vomit.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
50% drunk capacity currently
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
