My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
