This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
