the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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