she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
