I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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