omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
