Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
