I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
