how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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