Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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