the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
