We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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