How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
