i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
