Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
