I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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