Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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