On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
