i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
