Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
