When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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