But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
