did you get engaged???
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
