you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
