The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
