If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize