Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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