are you so shy because you have an std?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
