So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
