Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
