may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
