god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
