on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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