And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
