i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
