just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
