I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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