You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
