I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Who died my cat blue again?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
