I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize