I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
