i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
