stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
