I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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