Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
