Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
