He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
