It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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