just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
ok first of all what the fuck
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
