i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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