I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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