Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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