Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
