And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
