She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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