what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
