His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
