i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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