My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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