i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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