Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
