I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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